Making Progress

Well, I was getting very discouraged lately. I have been laid off from one of my half time jobs for some time now (I am now just working for DHS half time). I have still been applying for lots of jobs (and even getting interviews, but not getting hired). Debora went to an AGLOW (www.aglow.org) women's prayer meeting the other day and came back with some encouraging words, like we are right where God wants us, etc. I had a hard time believing her and was reminded of the woman who in 2 Kings 4:16, tells Elisha not to lie to her (about her having a son). I felt like telling Debora the same thing, "Don't lie to me." That was just too good of news to be true. And I even got angry about it. If it is true then what is wrong? I'm not where I want to be. How can I be where God wants me to be, if I don't even want to be here?

I read Dan Miller's book called "48 Days to the Work You Love" recently. I don't even know what kind of work I would like or what I am passionate about (aside from sharing the gospel and teaching the Word, but I don't see how I can get paid to do that). The book came with a workbook and two audio CDs and Debora has encouraged me to complete the workbook and listen to the CDs, which I want to do, but haven't done yet.

I know that if I get a full-time career job, I will not be satisfied or happy, but at least I will be earning enough money to give me the freedom to try out some other ideas (my line of thinking - probably not God's). I saw an ad in the Nickel the other day about breeding worms. It looks quite promising, but it could also be a scam (www.ecologytek.com). I have thought about starting an adult foster home, but I would need to buy a house for that (or at least get a two-year lease on a much bigger house).

I listened to some CDs from Mark Hankins Ministries called "Instructions for Rich People." They were inspiring. He mentioned the two tests every Christian must pass. The test of poverty or failure and the test of success or wealth. Debora and I have passed the test of poverty with a very high score, I think. But I really failed at the test of wealth. After selling our house in LA, we were quite rich for a while, but I hoarded our riches and lived as if we were still dirt poor in constant fear of losing our wealth. I'm asking God if He will let me retake that test.

When we moved to China, I told all my friends and family that we were probably never coming back to the US. We had dreams of God using us around the world (and we still have these dreams, but they have been postponed). Failing the test of wealth while in China has really put us back a few steps (in my mind - maybe not in God's). We came grovelling back to the US forced to live off of others generosity (though sometimes for me it is hard to tell when people are being generous to us or pitying us).

Anyway, we have started giving again and being generous ourselves, even though we can't afford to, but somehow that is the way it works and is supposed to work - that we understand. I am still learning what it means to "seek Him first." And we know that He is leading us and that we have nothing to fear, but that we can be thankful always and rejoice on all occasions. Our seventh wedding anniversary is tomorrow (tax day) and I need to find some way to make it special. Pray for me. :)

Here are some more photos of the family too (Othniel's birthday, Elisha's birthday, building an igloo - though the kids are blocking the doorway in the photo, cool hair, and me and Josiah).